I have not yet discussed Pride in my writings, but an ability to identify and harness your pride is like difference between wading through treacle and having a personal support group.
My PC tells me that June is the Month of Pride. Although the meaning of Pride is meant in a very specific way here, it is not completely unrelated to what I want to say.
It also reminds me that pride is sometimes seen as negative; sinful etc!! Well, not in my world, just like power or wealth, it can be beneficial or misused, so use it well and learn to harness your pride to help you become the best you can be.
The issues:
Let me quickly look at some of our reservations about the word. The following are just a few illustrations of how we are taught not to be proud.
Proud people are not nice
Do you really think this is always true. Sometimes people have done the most amazing things that they really deserve to be proud of. I can think of lots of times this sense of pride spreads out to those around and everyone benefits from it.
For instance, when someone decides to run a marathon and raise money for charity. This might entail many months of training, but also support from family and friends. There could well be a coach, running buddy or team involved. Also, there are the people willing to donate money for a worthwhile cause.
When this person crosses the finishing line, should they not celebrate and feel proud of their achievement? This feeling will be shared with everyone who helped get them to that point and sheds light on so many people – it cannot possibly be a negative.
Pride comes before a fall
A statement or a warning that was drummed into so many of us as children. I don’t really know why, but feel it only serves to keep us small.
If it was aimed at keeping people in their place – it is wrong because our place should be much more about ‘what else can I achieve’ and looking forward to the next challenge.
Rather than being fearful of the next step, let your pride support you and drive you on. Giving you the courage to share your successes with others.
I have not worked with one single client who finds it easy to identify all the things they should be amazingly proud of – you are much more likely to fall into the next category.
I haven’t done anything that makes me feel proud
One of the questions I usually ask during an initial conversation with any client is what they are proud of having done. It is not to test them, or challenge them, but rather to bring to the fore their skills and achievements.
There are several reasons why this is challenging. Firstly, if something deserves your pride, it has probably been challenging (certainly not common place). When something is challenging you will be drawing on your core skills, the innate abilities you have that come naturally to you. This will result in you achieving a successful outcome by doing the things that, because they are easy to you, you think are commonplace. Therefore, you don’t think they are worth talking about, being proud of. In this way, you ignore your greatest skills and strengths.
An example
When I was a child it was suggested I might be a teacher – something I rejected out of hand! Later, when someone said they could see me talking to people for a living (teaching/training) I said it was far too easy. My exact words were ‘that is far too easy – what idiot would pay me for talking?’.
It was only after a very unhappy 20 years of being in the wrong job that I studied counselling and coaching. This opened my eyes to honouring my capabilities rather than trying to be what I’m not.
I was only then able to take pride in it. I remember the first time I spoke in front of 2000 people, microphone shaking, my nerves there for all to see. I was so proud of myself for a) saying I would do this; b) accomplishing my goal; and c) getting across information that I was passionate about.
All that gave me a buzz, but the real sense of pride came afterwards when someone came up to me and said they had been genuinely helped by what I had said, it had clarified a problem for them and made the whole conference worthwhile. That made me feel proud!
So, there are big things to be proud of but also smaller things when the pride is more like quiet satisfaction. Don’t overlook these they are just as important.
One of my favourite authors writes: ‘“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Marianne Williamson writes ‘A Return to Love’
See workshop on Identifying Your Accomplishments
Reframe the word
One of my clients really struggled with the idea of achievements and actively shied away from the word Pride, or the thought of being proud.
Rather than work with him for ages on the meaning of the word, the easiest thing was to ask him to find a way of expressing himself that worked. In this case he was happy talk about the things he was ‘chuffed about’. I think this is a case of ‘a rose by any other name …’ I don’t mind what you call it, you just need to find it.
Key aspects of Pride
Motivation and Self Belief:
Pride acts as a powerful motivator, driving us to step out of our comfort zones and take on unfamiliar tasks. When we believe in ourselves and take pride in our abilities, we are more likely to approach new challenges with enthusiasm, determination, and a positive mindset. This boosts our chances of success and helps us persevere through difficult times.
Confidence and Resilience:
When we take pride in our accomplishments, big or small, it boosts our self-esteem and provides a solid foundation of self-assurance. This confidence becomes especially important when facing new and challenging endeavours, as it helps us stay resilient in the face of setbacks and obstacles. With a sense of pride in our capabilities, we are more likely to bounce back from failures, learn from them, and continue striving towards our goals.
Growth and Personal Development:
Trying something new and challenging often leads to personal growth and development. A sense of pride fuels this process by fostering a positive mindset and embracing the learning opportunities that come with taking on unfamiliar tasks. When we approach new challenges with pride, we open ourselves up to new experiences, acquire new skills, and expand our knowledge base. This personal growth not only enhances our abilities but also contributes to our overall sense of fulfilment and satisfaction.
Overcoming Fear and Embracing Change:
Trying something new and challenging can be intimidating, as it often involves stepping outside our comfort zones and confronting fear of the unknown. Developing a sense of pride in ourselves helps us overcome these fears and embrace change. When we take pride in our strengths and accomplishments, we gain the courage to face uncertainty and push ourselves beyond our limits. This willingness to embrace new experiences and challenges can lead to exciting opportunities and broaden our horizons.
Inspiring Others and Building Connections:
When we demonstrate a sense of pride in ourselves, especially in the face of new and challenging endeavours, we inspire others around us. Our positive attitude, resilience, and growth mindset can motivate and encourage those who may be hesitant to step out of their own comfort zones. Additionally, pride can help build connections and foster a supportive community. Sharing our achievements and experiences can create a ripple effect, inspiring others to try new things and form bonds based on shared goals and aspirations.
I hope you can see how important it is to feel proud of yourself in order to move forward with confidence and maybe try something new.
If you would like to discuss any aspects of this please don’t hesitate to contact me.