In previous posts I have often mentioned in passing that people should, as much as possible, be doing what comes naturally.
In this article I am going to go into more detail why doing what comes naturally to you can be challenging.
I am listing below the key reasons we are deterred from pursuing our natural inclinations and will go into more detail on each heading in following articles.
However, with everyone being so amazingly unique, this will never be completely comprehensive, and you may find yourself identifying with some of it and disagreeing with other ideas.
My aim is to get you thinking about it. My hope is that, by recognising any limiting characteristics, you might be able to take some steps towards redressing any compromising behaviour that is holding you back.
Here are some common factors why you might be deterred from doing what comes naturally to you:
Societal expectations:
Society often imposes certain norms, standards, and expectations onus which may not align with our natural inclinations, leading us to suppress or neglect our true passions and talents in favour of conforming to societal norms.
The line between each of the following headings is quite blurred, and if you find the information thought provoking you may well want to read the other articles which go into more detail. You will see that besides the headings there are other personality, and value driven themes that run through them all.
Societal pressure and expectation starts when we are infants and come from every part of our experience, from parents, schools, gender etc. Think of every type of society you may be part of and how it might have shaped you.
For me, there was a family culture of ‘girls should be seen and not heard’. This was a generational hangover from my mother’s childhood but too ages for me to break out of in adulthood.
Fear of failure:
Fear of failure is insidious and hides itself in personal characteristics and behaviours that we seem to accept. This can be a huge problem because if often means you then overlook the negative consequences that accompany this fear.
Do you ever berate yourself for things you haven’t done. Fear of failure is so often linked with regret because you may feel unable to take risks or exploring your natural abilities. Probably worrying about not meeting your own or others’ expectations. A fear of failure can manifest in various ways and impact individuals differently.
This fear is a chameleon, stopping you from taking risks and stepping out of your comfort zone to try something new.
For many of us this is deep seated and instinctual, after all when we were dependent on others for our survival we needed to learn to comply to a degree.
I personally, was about 40 years old before I learned I could say an emphatic ‘no’ (no conditions, or softening my languages with excuses) and the sky didn’t fall in. What a rush that was, and it lead the charge in me feeling I was able to be myself and actually grow up.
Lack of self-confidence:
When you lack confidence in your own abilities and doubt your capacity to excel in with natural talents you feel something is lacking. You may find fulfilment in some tasks but there will always be an underlying niggle.
This lack of self-assurance can undermine your motivation to pursue your passions, leading to self-doubt and hesitation.
Low confidence can have a significant impact on your ability to do what comes naturally to you. The resultant dissatisfaction in your life often leads to a life-long search for purpose.
External pressure and criticism:
Negative feedback, criticism, or discouragement from others can have a significant impact on your willingness to pursue your natural inclinations and embracing your natural talents and passions. This is turn can have a huge effect on your behaviour and happiness.
I am not going to list all the different type of pressure you can experience here. I will go into more detail in another article).
What I ask you to do though, is to stop for a moment and think about any external pressures or criticisms you have had to deal with and ask yourself: ‘how did they shape my decisions’? Even this quick exercise can help you recognise a habit you might usefully change.
Practical considerations:
Certain practical considerations, such as financial constraints or responsibilities, can hinder you from pursuing what comes naturally. Responsibilities like family obligations, the need to secure a stable income, or limited resources can divert your focus away from your natural inclinations. When you strive to lead a more authentic life, you may well encounter several practical challenges along the way.
This is where you need to gain clarity on what you want to do, how you want your life to change – and very importantly why.
You cannot deny some the more obvious practical hurdles, but they do not necessarily need to stop you – they just need you to be able to plan.
Making sudden changes to your life can be traumatic for you and others involved but thinking through your desired outcomes, how you are going to achieve them with support and help from others can set you up for amazing, sustainable, success.
Lack of clarity or self-awareness:
This is the big one. If you do not have a clear understanding of who you are or what your skills are you could easily be unaware of your natural inclinations.
I can’t tell you how many people I see who say ‘I don’t know what I want to do, I just need to do something I’m passionate about’.
This is said in the hopes that the ‘passion’ will be a strong enough emotion to compel them to overcome the issues I have listed above.
It would be lovely to be able to uncover this overnight, but you will usually have to spend may hours being completely honest with yourself (no easy matter if you have been avoiding that for most of your life) and exploring what might give you sense of passion.
I will talk about this more in another post, but I want leave you with this suggestion:
If you are looking for passion (I don’t mean romantic passion here but the manifestation of the fire that drives your purpose) ask yourself: ‘What if …’ What if I felt like this or that, how would I behave differently, or what might I allow myself to see?
I will say it here and again in my other post, but if you need help or coaching on this topic do get in touch as I have some creative exercises which could help you.